Cigarettes and Funny stories

The Giant Cigarette Lighter

2008-10-23T06:40:00.000-07:00

A guy walks into a bar, sits down next to another guy and immediately notices the guy has a very large Bic cigarette lighter.

The first guy says “Wow, that’s a huge lighter…where did you get it?”
The guy replies “A genie from this bottle granted me one wish.”

“Great, can I try it?”
“Sure.”

The first guy rubs the bottle and the genie appears. “You are granted one wish” says the genie.

The guy says, “I want a million bucks!”
“Done” says the genie and disappears.

CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS

2008-09-25T05:46:00.000-07:00

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle.

A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter. She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?

He answers, " You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooooooooooo much cheaper.

So, I figure if I have to roll my own . so does she.

Twin Cigarette Lighter Adapter with USB Port

2008-08-28T06:57:00.000-07:00

Ever needed to plug in your mobile car charger, Bluetooth headset car charger or portable CD player at the same time?

Well the Twin Cigarette Lighter Adapter with USB Port from Mobile Fun provides the solution.

It simply plugs into your existing cigarette lighter socket and splits it into two standard sockets and one USB charging socket, giving you the freedom to plug in two car chargers and a USB charger.

Features

1.7 metre extension cable to position the adapter in the most convenient position.
Supports 12 & 24 volt power supplies.

Humans love their cigarettes

2008-07-11T05:39:00.000-07:00

Why...

2008-07-11T05:37:00.000-07:00

Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?

Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?

If you can't drink and drive, why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots?

Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?

If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?

Cigarettes

2008-06-25T05:01:00.000-07:00

Cigarettes machine

2008-06-25T04:58:00.000-07:00

A man and a woman are in a hotel and are about to have sex. They already have all of their clothes off and are in the bed when the woman says, "I want a pack of cigarettes."

The man says, "You want a pack of cigarettes... before?" She says, "Ya, I`ll concentrate better if I have a smoke."

The man says, "OK," and goes to get a pack of cigarettes. He doesn`t think to get dressed because it is so late. He goes to the cigarette machine and decides to buy two packs just in case.

He starts heading back to His room when he sees three nuns. He poses as a statue and hopes they'll pass by.

The nuns come over to him and since they had never seen a naked man they thought he was a vending machine. The first nun searches for the trigger mechanism and pulls His johnson.

Startled, he drops a pack of cigarettes. The second nun does the same and he drops the other pack of cigarettes. When the third nun executes the maneuver she says, "Look girls it has lotion, too!"

Art of smoking

2008-05-26T04:47:00.000-07:00

Funny story about smoking

2008-05-26T04:42:00.000-07:00

Thomas Edison was telling Mr Cary a story one day about the way his friends, when they came into his office, would help themselves to his pure Havana cigars.

"They just take 'em by the handful," he said. "Why don't you lock them up?" asked Mr Cary. "Never could remember to do it," returned Edison.

"Then, Johnson, my secretary you know, did a clever trick. He had a friend in the cigar business and promised to get him to make me some entirely of cabbage leaves and brown paper. I thought that was a fine scheme.

But the cigars didn't come, so I asked him one day about it when I noticed my Havanas disappearing again. 'Why, I sent them to you,' he said. 'I left them with your manager.' I called the manager in and asked him where those cigars were.

'Why,' he said, 'I put them in your valise when you went to California last month. I didn't know what they were.'" "Do you know, Cary," continued Edison,

"I smoked everyone of those damned cigars myself!"

Party Monster

2008-04-17T06:52:00.000-07:00

Which cigarettes did Manson choose?

2008-04-17T06:47:00.000-07:00

During the production of Party Monster, Marilyn Manson asked former child star Macaulay Culkin for a bit of advice.

"His character smoked and he didn't know how to smoke," Culkin recalled.

"Never smoked a day in his life... He had a very specific vision of what kind of cigarettes he wanted, so he wanted me, the avid smoker, to go to the store and help him out."

So which cigarettes did Manson choose? Virginia Slims of course

Smoking in pubs

2008-03-26T08:44:00.000-07:00

The Giant Cigarette Lighter

2008-03-26T08:41:00.000-07:00

A guy walks into a bar, sits down next to another guy and immediately notices the guy has a very large Big cigarette lighter.

The first guy says “Wow, that’s a huge lighter…where did you get it?”
The guy replies “A genie from this bottle granted me one wish.”

“Great, can I try it?”
“Sure.”

The first guy rubs the bottle and the genie appears. “You are granted one wish” says the genie.

The guy says, “I want a million bucks!”
“Done” says the genie and disappears.

A few minutes go by and suddenly the bar door swings open and pouring in come ducks. Thousands and thousands of ducks falling all over each other through the bar door.

“I can’t believe this,” says the guy who had just placed his wish, “I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!”

The second guy then says, “Do you really think I wished for a 12 inch Big?”

Cigarettes Illusions

2008-02-29T04:08:00.000-08:00

What cigarettes do you smoke?

2008-02-29T04:04:00.000-08:00

- John, what cigarettes do you smoke?
- Light!
- You are such strong and you don’t have normal cigarettes? I am very surprised.

Shop in supermarket

2008-01-25T06:04:00.000-08:00

Needs cigarettes

2008-01-25T05:59:00.000-08:00

You stand in the supermarket near the cash register with some girl with whom you recently familiarized and intend to go out on date or invite her to your place. You buy cigarettes.

She asks:
- Vladimir, do you really smoke?
- Only after sex
- Then why do you need cigarettes?
- For smoking 

Cigarettes and Bar

2007-12-24T03:58:00.000-08:00

The Giant Cigarette Lighter

2007-12-24T03:51:00.000-08:00

A guy walks into a bar, sits down next to another guy and immediately notices the guy has a very large Bic cigarette lighter.

The first guy says "Wow, that's a huge lighter...where did you get it?"
The guy replies "A genie from this bottle granted me one wish."

"Great, can I try it?"
"Sure."

The first guy rubs the bottle and the genie appears. "You are granted one wish" says the genie.

The guy says, "I want a million bucks!"
"Done" says the genie and disappears.

A few minutes go by and suddenly the bar door swings open and pouring in come ducks. Thousands and thousands of ducks falling all over each other through the bar door.

"I can't believe this," says the guy who had just placed his wish, "I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!"

The second guy then says, "Do you really think I wished for a 12 inch Bic?"

Quit smoking using Hypnotherapy

2007-11-20T08:03:00.000-08:00

HOW TO SMOKE QUIT:

2007-11-20T08:00:00.000-08:00

Do you want to stop smoking, but you do not get.

1. Assume until that time, you had never smoked, and then you have to work.
Buy stack of cigarettes and try to smoke.
2. Say you all smoke and smoke, but the taste and smell is not there.
Light cigarettes, the method of serving its open fire and smoke here.
3. Assume you are unable smoke up over a sufficiently long
time. Remove from cigarette packets and Stop chasing the stack itself.
4. Say you felt bad pain in the mouth cavity. Turn cigarettes in a way that has been in the mouth it’s not the end alight.
5. Let's say you do not like the taste of cigarettes. Perhaps you smoke filter.
To this from happening, buy cigarettes without filter - Primo or Astro, or thin end of "Death under sail" production friendly Cuba.
6. Assume you dizzy head hurts and nausea.
Then go vodka first, and then smoke. Vertigo and nausea it will be possible to write off alcohol.
7. For example, cigarette you often go out. We must remove cigarettes from mouth, when you drinking vodka.
8. Let's say you went from the smoke. Do not panic, unlike vodka and smoke
should behave. WARNING! Not entangle of you should go smoke rather than vodka. And that smoked up new cigarettes are not necessarily make a new toast.
9. Let's say you already love to smoke, even smoke year-another, to build on the skills obtained.
10. Now abandon.

Cigarettes Lesons

2007-11-06T06:02:00.000-08:00

Why most people smoke cigarettes

2007-11-06T05:55:00.000-08:00

Lesson of biology.
Subject of the lesson “the dangers of smoking".
A teacher tells why most people smoke cigarettes and makes theorem that, the diameter of cigarettes in size from approximately the same diameter breast nipples, so, people just remember the times when coming maternal breasts ...
On the back of desks dealt a rhetorical question:
And that sucked in childhood those who smoke cigars? !
The lesson was ripped off!

Real Men Smoke

2007-10-23T06:54:00.000-07:00

Stack of cigarettes

2007-10-23T06:48:00.000-07:00

French and the Englishman are sitting on the bank of a river and fishing.

All of a sudden rain, and rain poured soaked them to the threads.

They decided to warm. Englishman reached stack of cigarettes are all completely wet.

A Frenchman, bemused, reached dry cigarettes from the condom.

The Englishman, delighted idea is ticking in the pharmacy:
- Could you help me, please. I need a condom!
- For men or for women?
- For "Camel"!
- Oh!!! Sex Giant!

Blue Smoke

2007-10-08T06:03:00.000-07:00

Anecdote heard on television, like, retelling:

2007-10-08T05:53:00.000-07:00

Worth man on the street smoking.
Suitable to the girl said: “Hello, we have a poll on smoking. How long have you been smoking?
Yes, Silva, 30 years already chosen.
Female-Yes, it is interesting, interesting, ah what the health hazards... A number of smoking cigarettes a day?
Forty-Hmmm, stack 2 a day
Female - Yap, yap interesting. Take calculator, something it considers that said, you know, that if you are not smoking, the money saved could buy this skyscraper?
Forty - Here you smoke?
Female - No.
Forty-A skyscraper you have?
Female – Hee, hee, hee. No:)
Forty-But I smoke and skyscraper this MY!

Thug Cigarettes

2007-09-15T00:54:00.000-07:00

....put out the cigarettes!!

2007-09-15T00:31:00.000-07:00

A young couple is flying on a plain:
-Oh, common!
-We can’t do it here.
-I cannot hold any longer…
-Well, let’s go to the WC…
(They lock up in the WC)
-Common, put the condom on… oh-oh-oh! What a rush…
Suddenly there is an announcement on the speaker:
-Mister and Misses Smith! We know what you are doing in the WC. Please, put out the cigarettes and remove the condom off the fire alarm!!!

Cigline.net - cheapest cigarettes

2007-08-13T07:02:00.000-07:00

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2007-08-13T07:01:00.001-07:00

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Hand me your cigarette.

2007-08-07T04:29:00.000-07:00

In the elevator

2007-08-07T04:24:00.000-07:00

One day, the company of young people came together to celebrate the Holiday.
They got on the elevator.
As they were a lot, the elevator stuck.
Everybody was waiting when they would be released.
One guy said: Hey, we have no choice but to smoke cigarettes and wham bam….
The girl from the company answers: Guys, just don’t smoke, ok?

Cigarette Thru Quarter - Spring

2007-06-26T04:09:00.000-07:00

Good Ideas

2007-06-26T03:58:00.000-07:00

The owner of tobacco store in San Francisco got nervous: his competitor attracted lot’s of buyers, taking a beautiful Spanish girl into the service.

He placed her at the shop window to roll cigars and to fling her eyes over men, who visited the store.

State of affairs had to be improved immediately. So, the store-owner did the following: in two days at the shop window of his store buyers saw a slim blonde girl in bikini, rolling cigars.

But she sat back to the buyers. His store filled up with men at once.

Mexican candy iMac cigarettes

2007-06-08T08:26:00.000-07:00

Wise patient

2007-06-08T08:12:00.000-07:00

Just look how your complexion has changed!
And you look much better now! I advised you to smoke one cigarette only after meal-time.
Yeah, sure! Because I eat ten times a day!

Smoke experience

2007-05-29T07:35:00.000-07:00

Tobacco-lover

2007-05-29T07:30:00.000-07:00

Once in front of the woodcutter’s house appeared a luxurious car. Perfectly dressed young man came out of this car and went to the house.

Father! – He addressed the woodcutter – haven’t you recognized me? It’s me, your son, whom you sent for tobacco to the town.

I settled there, graduated, found a great job, married beautiful woman, I have my own house, car …. What can you say?

It’s great, son. But where is my tobacco by the way?

Just carton of cigarettes!!

2007-05-21T08:18:00.000-07:00

At school

2007-05-21T08:10:00.000-07:00

The lesson of Biology.
The topic is “About hazard of smoking”. Teacher is telling why most of the people smoke cigarettes. She proposes a theory that the diameter of the cigarette is approximately similar to the diameter of nipple.
In other words, people simply recollect that time when they suckled maternal breast….

The rhetorical question is heard from the back desk:

What suckled people who smoke cigars?

The lesson was deranged!

Smoke

2007-05-11T08:39:00.000-07:00

After visiting London

2007-05-11T08:29:00.000-07:00

Two guys begin to smoke.
Recently I was in London. You know what, such a clean city!
Really?
Yeah! I light up a cigarette, and then a local policeman comes to me and asks to put it out. I throw it away, he moves away, I begin to smoke the new cigarette. Then another cop approaches me: Put out your cigarette, please! I throw it away again and the story repeats.
And what next?
What-what!!! It turned out that there are 1684 cops in London!

West cigarettes - Test It!!

2007-05-07T08:30:00.000-07:00

Visit to the doctor

2007-05-07T08:23:00.000-07:00

The old man comes to the doctor and asks: “Doctor, will I live 20 years more?” – “Hmm…do you smoke cigarettes?” – “No, I don’t” – “Do you drink?” – “No!” – “Have any relationships with women?” – “No!” ‘”So, why the hell you need 20 years more to live?”]

Two fellows talk: “I’ve read a lot about the adverse effect of drinking and smoking cigarettes, so I decided to quit!”

“Quit? What exactly – to smoke or to drink?” – “To read!!!”

Cigarettes

2007-04-30T08:09:00.000-07:00

You have a cigarettes?

2007-04-30T08:02:00.000-07:00

The guest asks the mistress.
Can I have a cigarette?
Yes, make yourself at home.
The guest signed heavily and hidden cigarettes in the pocket.

************************************

Tobacco store.
Telephone calls:
Do you have brown shoes for men - 42 size?
Unfortunately we have goods only for smokers in our store.
Do you think smokers go barefoot?

Dog smoke cigarettes

2007-04-25T04:28:00.000-07:00

I'm out of money!

2007-04-25T04:14:00.000-07:00

Since I’ve met you, says young men to his girl-friend

– I don’t eat, don’t drink and don't smoke cigarettes at all.

Oh, God! Your feelings are so strong, really? – She asks

No-o-o, I just out of money!

Funny and Cigarettes

2007-04-22T23:32:00.000-07:00

Cigarettes Store

2007-04-20T07:09:00.000-07:00

Two men talk:

-Take a cigarette, offers one.

-I don’t smoke. I’ve tried it once, but I didn’t like it.

-How about drinks?

-I had a drink once and I don’t want any more.

-Hey, let’s play cards!

-No, man, once I’ve played cards and it was the first and the last time. There is my son, he will play with you.

-I bet he is your only son too!

Monkey smoke!!

2007-04-20T04:08:00.000-07:00

Cigarettes style in Dog life

2007-04-19T06:32:00.000-07:00

Ages ago people didn’t wear any clothes, covering their intimate places with leaves or animal skin. But, time goes on, and nowadays we can’t exist without clothes.

What about our canine friends?

Sometimes we treat them like people, because they understand us and it’s difficult to keep in mind that they are animals, especially its difficult task for lonely people.

They always need to talk to somebody. Who hasn’t dress pets in clothes? I think it happened at least once.

Animals don’t mind, they maybe want to be among those, whom they love.

This pic demonstrates us how people want to humanize a dog. The cigarette in the dog’s jaws indicates us his master’s preferences.

Cigarette became an essential part in the life of people. The dog poses and doesn’t mind, as we can see.

The photo is really cool!

Smoke?

2007-04-19T05:02:00.000-07:00

One fellow came to the doctor:

Doctor, I have severe headaches…

Do you drink hard?

Oh, no! For all my life-not a bit!

Smoke?

Ohh, no! For all my life – not a cigarette!

Lead intensive sexual life?

No,doctor! I’ve never slept with women!

Well, in that case, I can make out the only one diagnosis – the nimbus squeezes your head too tight!

At the hospital

2007-04-18T04:40:00.000-07:00

Doctor gives prescriptions to the patient:

You do not have to take alcoholic drinks, it’s highly recommended to breath fresh air, do exercises every morning and smoke only one cigarette per day.

A month later the patient comes to the doctor again. The doctor asks:

Have you fulfilled all the prescriptions?

Yes, all of them, except this one – it’s not so easy to learn to smoke at my age! :)

About me!

2007-04-17T06:01:00.000-07:00

Hello!
My name is Blanka!
I think that we can't live without smiles and laugh.
I like funny stories and I'm ready to share this piece of fun with you!
If you have a good sense of humor, I hope you'll appreciate my selection of funny stories about cigarettes.