Cigarettes

Cigarettes machine

A man and a woman are in a hotel and are about to have sex. They already have all of their clothes off and are in the bed when the woman says, "I want a pack of cigarettes."

The man says, "You want a pack of cigarettes... before?" She says, "Ya, I`ll concentrate better if I have a smoke."

The man says, "OK," and goes to get a pack of cigarettes. He doesn`t think to get dressed because it is so late. He goes to the cigarette machine and decides to buy two packs just in case.

He starts heading back to His room when he sees three nuns. He poses as a statue and hopes they'll pass by.

The nuns come over to him and since they had never seen a naked man they thought he was a vending machine. The first nun searches for the trigger mechanism and pulls His johnson.

Startled, he drops a pack of cigarettes. The second nun does the same and he drops the other pack of cigarettes. When the third nun executes the maneuver she says, "Look girls it has lotion, too!"

Art of smoking

Funny story about smoking

Thomas Edison was telling Mr Cary a story one day about the way his friends, when they came into his office, would help themselves to his pure Havana cigars.

"They just take 'em by the handful," he said. "Why don't you lock them up?" asked Mr Cary. "Never could remember to do it," returned Edison.

"Then, Johnson, my secretary you know, did a clever trick. He had a friend in the cigar business and promised to get him to make me some entirely of cabbage leaves and brown paper. I thought that was a fine scheme.

But the cigars didn't come, so I asked him one day about it when I noticed my Havanas disappearing again. 'Why, I sent them to you,' he said. 'I left them with your manager.' I called the manager in and asked him where those cigars were.

'Why,' he said, 'I put them in your valise when you went to California last month. I didn't know what they were.'" "Do you know, Cary," continued Edison,

"I smoked everyone of those damned cigars myself!"

Party Monster

Which cigarettes did Manson choose?

During the production of Party Monster, Marilyn Manson asked former child star Macaulay Culkin for a bit of advice.

"His character smoked and he didn't know how to smoke," Culkin recalled.

"Never smoked a day in his life... He had a very specific vision of what kind of cigarettes he wanted, so he wanted me, the avid smoker, to go to the store and help him out."

So which cigarettes did Manson choose? Virginia Slims of course

Smoking in pubs

The Giant Cigarette Lighter

A guy walks into a bar, sits down next to another guy and immediately notices the guy has a very large Big cigarette lighter.

The first guy says “Wow, that’s a huge lighter…where did you get it?”
The guy replies “A genie from this bottle granted me one wish.”

“Great, can I try it?”
“Sure.”

The first guy rubs the bottle and the genie appears. “You are granted one wish” says the genie.

The guy says, “I want a million bucks!”
“Done” says the genie and disappears.

A few minutes go by and suddenly the bar door swings open and pouring in come ducks. Thousands and thousands of ducks falling all over each other through the bar door.

“I can’t believe this,” says the guy who had just placed his wish, “I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!”

The second guy then says, “Do you really think I wished for a 12 inch Big?”