Cigarettes and Bar

The Giant Cigarette Lighter

A guy walks into a bar, sits down next to another guy and immediately notices the guy has a very large Bic cigarette lighter.

The first guy says "Wow, that's a huge lighter...where did you get it?"
The guy replies "A genie from this bottle granted me one wish."

"Great, can I try it?"
"Sure."

The first guy rubs the bottle and the genie appears. "You are granted one wish" says the genie.

The guy says, "I want a million bucks!"
"Done" says the genie and disappears.

A few minutes go by and suddenly the bar door swings open and pouring in come ducks. Thousands and thousands of ducks falling all over each other through the bar door.

"I can't believe this," says the guy who had just placed his wish, "I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!"

The second guy then says, "Do you really think I wished for a 12 inch Bic?"

Quit smoking using Hypnotherapy

HOW TO SMOKE QUIT:

Do you want to stop smoking, but you do not get.

1. Assume until that time, you had never smoked, and then you have to work.
Buy stack of cigarettes and try to smoke.
2. Say you all smoke and smoke, but the taste and smell is not there.
Light cigarettes, the method of serving its open fire and smoke here.
3. Assume you are unable smoke up over a sufficiently long
time. Remove from cigarette packets and Stop chasing the stack itself.
4. Say you felt bad pain in the mouth cavity. Turn cigarettes in a way that has been in the mouth it’s not the end alight.
5. Let's say you do not like the taste of cigarettes. Perhaps you smoke filter.
To this from happening, buy cigarettes without filter - Primo or Astro, or thin end of "Death under sail" production friendly Cuba.
6. Assume you dizzy head hurts and nausea.
Then go vodka first, and then smoke. Vertigo and nausea it will be possible to write off alcohol.
7. For example, cigarette you often go out. We must remove cigarettes from mouth, when you drinking vodka.
8. Let's say you went from the smoke. Do not panic, unlike vodka and smoke
should behave. WARNING! Not entangle of you should go smoke rather than vodka. And that smoked up new cigarettes are not necessarily make a new toast.
9. Let's say you already love to smoke, even smoke year-another, to build on the skills obtained.
10. Now abandon.

Cigarettes Lesons

Why most people smoke cigarettes

Lesson of biology.
Subject of the lesson “the dangers of smoking".
A teacher tells why most people smoke cigarettes and makes theorem that, the diameter of cigarettes in size from approximately the same diameter breast nipples, so, people just remember the times when coming maternal breasts ...
On the back of desks dealt a rhetorical question:
And that sucked in childhood those who smoke cigars? !
The lesson was ripped off!

Real Men Smoke

Stack of cigarettes

French and the Englishman are sitting on the bank of a river and fishing.

All of a sudden rain, and rain poured soaked them to the threads.

They decided to warm. Englishman reached stack of cigarettes are all completely wet.

A Frenchman, bemused, reached dry cigarettes from the condom.

The Englishman, delighted idea is ticking in the pharmacy:
- Could you help me, please. I need a condom!
- For men or for women?
- For "Camel"!
- Oh!!! Sex Giant!

Blue Smoke

Anecdote heard on television, like, retelling:

Worth man on the street smoking.
Suitable to the girl said: “Hello, we have a poll on smoking. How long have you been smoking?
Yes, Silva, 30 years already chosen.
Female-Yes, it is interesting, interesting, ah what the health hazards... A number of smoking cigarettes a day?
Forty-Hmmm, stack 2 a day
Female - Yap, yap interesting. Take calculator, something it considers that said, you know, that if you are not smoking, the money saved could buy this skyscraper?
Forty - Here you smoke?
Female - No.
Forty-A skyscraper you have?
Female – Hee, hee, hee. No:)
Forty-But I smoke and skyscraper this MY!

Thug Cigarettes

....put out the cigarettes!!

A young couple is flying on a plain:
-Oh, common!
-We can’t do it here.
-I cannot hold any longer…
-Well, let’s go to the WC…
(They lock up in the WC)
-Common, put the condom on… oh-oh-oh! What a rush…
Suddenly there is an announcement on the speaker:
-Mister and Misses Smith! We know what you are doing in the WC. Please, put out the cigarettes and remove the condom off the fire alarm!!!

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Hand me your cigarette.

In the elevator

One day, the company of young people came together to celebrate the Holiday.
They got on the elevator.
As they were a lot, the elevator stuck.
Everybody was waiting when they would be released.
One guy said: Hey, we have no choice but to smoke cigarettes and wham bam….
The girl from the company answers: Guys, just don’t smoke, ok?

Cigarette Thru Quarter - Spring

Good Ideas

The owner of tobacco store in San Francisco got nervous: his competitor attracted lot’s of buyers, taking a beautiful Spanish girl into the service.

He placed her at the shop window to roll cigars and to fling her eyes over men, who visited the store.

State of affairs had to be improved immediately. So, the store-owner did the following: in two days at the shop window of his store buyers saw a slim blonde girl in bikini, rolling cigars.

But she sat back to the buyers. His store filled up with men at once.

Mexican candy iMac cigarettes

Wise patient

Just look how your complexion has changed!
And you look much better now! I advised you to smoke one cigarette only after meal-time.
Yeah, sure! Because I eat ten times a day!

Smoke experience

Tobacco-lover

Once in front of the woodcutter’s house appeared a luxurious car. Perfectly dressed young man came out of this car and went to the house.

Father! – He addressed the woodcutter – haven’t you recognized me? It’s me, your son, whom you sent for tobacco to the town.

I settled there, graduated, found a great job, married beautiful woman, I have my own house, car …. What can you say?

It’s great, son. But where is my tobacco by the way?

Just carton of cigarettes!!

At school

The lesson of Biology.
The topic is “About hazard of smoking”. Teacher is telling why most of the people smoke cigarettes. She proposes a theory that the diameter of the cigarette is approximately similar to the diameter of nipple.
In other words, people simply recollect that time when they suckled maternal breast….

The rhetorical question is heard from the back desk:

What suckled people who smoke cigars?

The lesson was deranged!

Smoke

After visiting London

Two guys begin to smoke.
Recently I was in London. You know what, such a clean city!
Really?
Yeah! I light up a cigarette, and then a local policeman comes to me and asks to put it out. I throw it away, he moves away, I begin to smoke the new cigarette. Then another cop approaches me: Put out your cigarette, please! I throw it away again and the story repeats.
And what next?
What-what!!! It turned out that there are 1684 cops in London!

West cigarettes - Test It!!

Visit to the doctor

The old man comes to the doctor and asks: “Doctor, will I live 20 years more?” – “Hmm…do you smoke cigarettes?” – “No, I don’t” – “Do you drink?” – “No!” – “Have any relationships with women?” – “No!” ‘”So, why the hell you need 20 years more to live?”]

Two fellows talk: “I’ve read a lot about the adverse effect of drinking and smoking cigarettes, so I decided to quit!”

“Quit? What exactly – to smoke or to drink?” – “To read!!!”

Cigarettes

You have a cigarettes?

The guest asks the mistress.
Can I have a cigarette?
Yes, make yourself at home.
The guest signed heavily and hidden cigarettes in the pocket.

************************************

Tobacco store.
Telephone calls:
Do you have brown shoes for men - 42 size?
Unfortunately we have goods only for smokers in our store.
Do you think smokers go barefoot?

Dog smoke cigarettes

I'm out of money!

Since I’ve met you, says young men to his girl-friend

– I don’t eat, don’t drink and don't smoke cigarettes at all.

Oh, God! Your feelings are so strong, really? – She asks

No-o-o, I just out of money!

Funny and Cigarettes

Cigarettes Store

Two men talk:

-Take a cigarette, offers one.

-I don’t smoke. I’ve tried it once, but I didn’t like it.

-How about drinks?

-I had a drink once and I don’t want any more.

-Hey, let’s play cards!

-No, man, once I’ve played cards and it was the first and the last time. There is my son, he will play with you.

-I bet he is your only son too!

Monkey smoke!!

Cigarettes style in Dog life

Ages ago people didn’t wear any clothes, covering their intimate places with leaves or animal skin. But, time goes on, and nowadays we can’t exist without clothes.

What about our canine friends?

Sometimes we treat them like people, because they understand us and it’s difficult to keep in mind that they are animals, especially its difficult task for lonely people.

They always need to talk to somebody. Who hasn’t dress pets in clothes? I think it happened at least once.

Animals don’t mind, they maybe want to be among those, whom they love.

This pic demonstrates us how people want to humanize a dog. The cigarette in the dog’s jaws indicates us his master’s preferences.

Cigarette became an essential part in the life of people. The dog poses and doesn’t mind, as we can see.

The photo is really cool!

Smoke?

One fellow came to the doctor:

Doctor, I have severe headaches…

Do you drink hard?

Oh, no! For all my life-not a bit!

Smoke?

Ohh, no! For all my life – not a cigarette!

Lead intensive sexual life?

No,doctor! I’ve never slept with women!

Well, in that case, I can make out the only one diagnosis – the nimbus squeezes your head too tight!

At the hospital

Doctor gives prescriptions to the patient:

You do not have to take alcoholic drinks, it’s highly recommended to breath fresh air, do exercises every morning and smoke only one cigarette per day.

A month later the patient comes to the doctor again. The doctor asks:

Have you fulfilled all the prescriptions?

Yes, all of them, except this one – it’s not so easy to learn to smoke at my age! :)

About me!

Hello!
My name is Blanka!
I think that we can't live without smiles and laugh.
I like funny stories and I'm ready to share this piece of fun with you!
If you have a good sense of humor, I hope you'll appreciate my selection of funny stories about cigarettes.