Thursday, October 23, 2008

The Giant Cigarette Lighter



A guy walks into a bar, sits down next to another guy and immediately notices the guy has a very large Bic cigarette lighter.

The first guy says “Wow, that’s a huge lighter…where did you get it?”
The guy replies “A genie from this bottle granted me one wish.”

“Great, can I try it?”
“Sure.”

The first guy rubs the bottle and the genie appears. “You are granted one wish” says the genie.

The guy says, “I want a million bucks!”
“Done” says the genie and disappears.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS



A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle.

A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter. She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?

He answers, " You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooooooooooo much cheaper.

So, I figure if I have to roll my own . so does she.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Twin Cigarette Lighter Adapter with USB Port



Ever needed to plug in your mobile car charger, Bluetooth headset car charger or portable CD player at the same time?

Well the Twin Cigarette Lighter Adapter with USB Port from Mobile Fun provides the solution.

It simply plugs into your existing cigarette lighter socket and splits it into two standard sockets and one USB charging socket, giving you the freedom to plug in two car chargers and a USB charger.

Features

  • 1.7 metre extension cable to position the adapter in the most convenient position.
  • Supports 12 & 24 volt power supplies.

Friday, July 11, 2008

Humans love their cigarettes

Why...



Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?

Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?

If you can't drink and drive, why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots?

Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?

If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Cigarettes

Cigarettes machine



A man and a woman are in a hotel and are about to have sex. They already have all of their clothes off and are in the bed when the woman says, "I want a pack of cigarettes."

The man says, "You want a pack of cigarettes... before?" She says, "Ya, I`ll concentrate better if I have a smoke."

The man says, "OK," and goes to get a pack of cigarettes. He doesn`t think to get dressed because it is so late. He goes to the cigarette machine and decides to buy two packs just in case.

He starts heading back to His room when he sees three nuns. He poses as a statue and hopes they'll pass by.

The nuns come over to him and since they had never seen a naked man they thought he was a vending machine. The first nun searches for the trigger mechanism and pulls His johnson.

Startled, he drops a pack of cigarettes. The second nun does the same and he drops the other pack of cigarettes. When the third nun executes the maneuver she says, "Look girls it has lotion, too!"

Monday, May 26, 2008

Art of smoking

Funny story about smoking



Thomas Edison was telling Mr Cary a story one day about the way his friends, when they came into his office, would help themselves to his pure Havana cigars.

"They just take 'em by the handful," he said. "Why don't you lock them up?" asked Mr Cary. "Never could remember to do it," returned Edison.

"Then, Johnson, my secretary you know, did a clever trick. He had a friend in the cigar business and promised to get him to make me some entirely of cabbage leaves and brown paper. I thought that was a fine scheme.

But the cigars didn't come, so I asked him one day about it when I noticed my Havanas disappearing again. 'Why, I sent them to you,' he said. 'I left them with your manager.' I called the manager in and asked him where those cigars were.

'Why,' he said, 'I put them in your valise when you went to California last month. I didn't know what they were.'" "Do you know, Cary," continued Edison,

"I smoked everyone of those damned cigars myself!"

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Party Monster

Which cigarettes did Manson choose?



During the production of Party Monster, Marilyn Manson asked former child star Macaulay Culkin for a bit of advice.

"His character smoked and he didn't know how to smoke," Culkin recalled.

"Never smoked a day in his life... He had a very specific vision of what kind of cigarettes he wanted, so he wanted me, the avid smoker, to go to the store and help him out."

So which cigarettes did Manson choose? Virginia Slims of course

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Smoking in pubs

The Giant Cigarette Lighter



A guy walks into a bar, sits down next to another guy and immediately notices the guy has a very large Big cigarette lighter.

The first guy says “Wow, that’s a huge lighter…where did you get it?”
The guy replies “A genie from this bottle granted me one wish.”

“Great, can I try it?”
“Sure.”

The first guy rubs the bottle and the genie appears. “You are granted one wish” says the genie.

The guy says, “I want a million bucks!”
“Done” says the genie and disappears.

A few minutes go by and suddenly the bar door swings open and pouring in come ducks. Thousands and thousands of ducks falling all over each other through the bar door.

“I can’t believe this,” says the guy who had just placed his wish, “I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!”

The second guy then says, “Do you really think I wished for a 12 inch Big?”

Friday, February 29, 2008

Cigarettes Illusions



What cigarettes do you smoke?



- John, what cigarettes do you smoke?
- Light!
- You are such strong and you don’t have normal cigarettes? I am very surprised.

Friday, January 25, 2008

Shop in supermarket

Needs cigarettes



You stand in the supermarket near the cash register with some girl with whom you recently familiarized and intend to go out on date or invite her to your place. You buy cigarettes.

She asks:
- Vladimir, do you really smoke?
- Only after sex
- Then why do you need cigarettes?
- For smoking 